Thursday, 11 April 2013

Yeah, it's me

So, having wallowed in the stinking pit of depression for a few weeks, I have been trying to dig out of the hole and into the fresh air again. I swore that this month I would try to be more positive, more active, more connected. I would support my online friends, be more fun with my kids, be affectionate with my husband and stop obsessing and bickering about stupid stuff.
I don't know how well I was doing. I would like to think I was handling things pretty well. I wrote a post for autism awareness, did some paperwork that had been waiting for a while, tried to comment on friends' blogs and be supportive and sympathetic.
There were bumps in the road of positivity. The Monkey's service provider is being a PITA, the government bureaucracy is being bureaucratic and we are house hunting, on the premise that our landlord is planning on selling this place. I handled it. I am handling it. I did not explode or break down. I got angry, sure. I am frustrated with how things are going, and how little I can affect it all, but I am coping. Or at least I was.
From last night to now, I have been crying off and on, feeling down, useless, rejected. And over what?
A Facebook incident. Yeah, that's right, social media. Why do I do this?
The incident in question involves a member of a group I belong to, who has exercised her right to block me entirely. I can't see her posts, I can't private message her, I can't see her pages. The reason she has done this is apparently an annoying habit I have of "liking" too many posts and comments. The groups and friends we have in common tend to specialise in long, hilarious threads. They can run into the hundreds of comments. So, when I "like" a lot of the comments, it blows up people's notifications.
Honestly, I can't blame her, it really is me. But although I can't see what she posts, I can, on those threads, see other people's replies and references to her posts. And every time I do, it hits me like a punch to the gut. The worst part for me is that I like her. I appreciate her wit and humour. I feel like I have been excluded, shunned, rejected by someone I respect. I can't even apologize. And I hate it. And I can't change it. And I seem to be letting it drag me down into the pit again. And it is my own stupid fault.


  1. Not your fault, Mama! It's not YOU! I don't think you "like" too much at all! Social media can really become overwhelming. I suffer from depression and anxiety and I have learned that when I get those twinges of anxiety when I log on...I just don't. As much as I am on FB, there are some days when I'm just not there. A lot of times I am busy but sometimes I just don't what to "go there". If someone blocks you..I know it's hard...but then you know what? They're not your friend. And you don't need that. Right? A friend would like you no matter who or how much you "like" stuff. Don't let that kind of stuff get you down (okay, try to start with trying not to get to you. You know what I mean!) ...goddesses know we have enough on our plates to cause anxiety and depression! ((((HUGS)))) I hope you feel better soon!!!! <3