Decor by Crazy

Watching interior decorating shows always makes me wonder what the designers would make of our little palace in the suburbs.

We went with a theme of "easy to clean" and "not likely to break" with a colour palette of "doesn't show dirt".

The furniture is classic "hand me downs from the parents" with Ikea accents, professionally distressed by pets and children. Window treatments in the "came with the house" style and flooring in "we can redo it when the kids are older".

Family room decor is mainly "children's arts and crafts" with accents of "put it on a high shelf" and vintage heirloom  "OMG if you go near that I will take away your iPad for a month".

The children's bedrooms, are of course, individually decorated with a carpeting of Lego, naked dolls, broken toys and food scraps, with the TVs we swore (before we had kids) that we would never put in our child's room. Loose clothing and unidentified smears and stains add a lively joie de vivre to the walls and furniture.

The master bedroom is carefully arranged to give a restful "I will fold the goddam laundry tomorrow"  vibe, and scattered books, half empty cups and cat vomit give a bit of  casual personality to the room.

The bathrooms are equipped with modern fixtures in the "chipped, stained, and cheap contractor installed" motif, with mildew accents and "WTF is that smell?" throughout. Toothpaste, wet towels, dirty clothes, handprints in "please don't let that be what I think it is" on the doorknobs and walls liberally scattered to give it that homey, "whose turn is it to clean" feel.

The kitchen is beautifully outfitted with crusty counters and slightly damaged appliances, "not too breakable" and "cheap to replace" kitchenware and "bought it on sale" accouterments. Whimsical "last holiday's theme" linens add to the playful atmosphere, as do the paper, half eaten art supplies and half finished projects.

In all, a "shabby not so chic" style unifies the whole house with a large amount of pet hair, scratches and bite marks (cat, dog and child), random bits of paper and food wrappers throughout.

We are design savvy.

Weak and weary

Rough week for America.

A man who legitimizes rape culture, homophobia, misogyny, racism, sexism, violence and hatred has been elected to the presidency.

So many Americans that I love are hurting. People wondering if their marriages will be valid tomorrow.  People wondering if their identities will be respected. People afraid that their religious affiliations will lead to loss of citizenship, freedom and safety. People who are disabled in some way are afraid that their basic needs as humans will not be met, that they will not be able to get appropriate health care, education, or housing.  People who are not white, straight, cisgender male, or Christian are afraid for their quality of life, their rights, their very right to exist.

I am a Canadian, so this will not be my leader. I am still traumatized by this election.

I watch as a man who has been accused of sexual predation and assault is put in one of the most powerful positions of leadership in the world.

I watch as a man who is used to coercing, manipulating, bullying and buying prestige, power, and privilege is given exactly what he wants.

I am autistic, as are my children. I am female. I have been bullied most of my life.  I have been the victim of molestation and rape, as a child and an adult. I am not a fighter. I am weak and frightened, and tend to use gentle words and avoidance as my strategies to avoid being hurt. I suppose I am a coward in many ways. My fear tends to paralyse me. I am pretty calm in an emergency, but will break down soon after, and violence terrifies me. I am physically and emotionally weak and vulnerable.

So, according to the kind of man Trump seems to be, I am of little value, a thing to be used should he care to do so (although I suspect I am too fat and old for his tastes), but then discarded, disregarded and degraded.

This is why this election has been so very terrifying, so very triggering for me.

Because I have experienced a great deal of bullying and abuse, and the one thing I had tried to forget about that experience has been shoved into my face again and it is not okay.

That one thing?

That the bullies always win.