I have been reading a pile of blogs about who has the right to talk about autism, and who autistics and parents and caregivers should and do trust on the subject. I feel like a wanderer in the wilderness. Apparently, I am the NT person who cannot be relied upon to describe autism. I am "normal". Terrific. I am doomed to never understand, nor relate to, nor assist any autistic person, presumably including my son, possibly also my daughter. Perhaps if I defer to an authority who is autistic, I may be permitted to assist, ever keeping in mind that I will never be able to truly understand what my children are going through. It is similar to the concept that a man can never understand or be an authority on women's issues, a straight person can never relate to GLBT struggles, a Caucasian can never put themselves in the place of a person of colour.
So I can talk about my own, personal experiences as a white female straight married atheist depressive. I can never be an authority on any other condition or person. Do I sound resentful? Frustrated and upset? Do I even have the right to feel this way? After all, for the most part I am a part of the privileged majority that the autistic person feel excluded by, aren't I? I don't want to sort my friends by their differences, into categories of opposition. I don't want to be ignorant, or hurt people by assuming I have some idea of their trials and triumphs. I feel useless and weak often enough.
Are they right? Am I just a condescending, delusional and misguided NT who is doing more harm while trying to help?
Whoa Whoa Whoa.....no one understands those kids better than MOM!!
ReplyDeleteCheck out my blog from this morning...you will love :) www.dysfunctionaldose.com
I DO love! And I don't always feel that confidence that I really know best. I worry that I am pushing for them to somehow be normal... as if I knew what normal was. Maybe I am trying too hard - or not hard enough. On good days, I am "good enough". On bad days...well.
DeleteYou can speak as a mother of an autistic child!!!
ReplyDeleteI've not read much like you describe.. just that we have to listen to Autistic people, which you know, makes perfect sense.
I have three ASD men in my house, I'm pretty sure I know a bit about Autism... no expert, but I must no something =)
x
I can speak for myself...but I worry that I presume too much by speaking for my son. What I think he experiences and what he really does might be completely different. I might be approaching what I see as problems all wrong. My problem, not his. I guess it is the same with any parent, I just get really worried that I am screwing up something that will leave him damaged his whole life.
DeleteI do listen, and I sometimes feel that my opinions are discounted or resented...maybe it is just me.
I personally think that what autistic kids (all kids really, but autistic kids especially) need most is love and a sincere attempt at understanding. No one is in a better position to do this than a mother. While you may never fully understand how your child experiences the world - any more than you can fully understand the way any other person (NT or autistic) experiences the world- your efforts and your love are what count most. And as a parent of an autistic child, you do have a very different perspective than most other NT adults - you get to see the behaviour of an autistic child in a variety of contexts.
ReplyDeleteI think the world needs more people who show compassion and by attempting to understand the trials and triumphs of people that are not like themselves.
Keep it up!
Thank you. "you may never fully understand how your child experiences the world - any more than you can fully understand the way any other person (NT or autistic) experiences the world..." That is what I was trying to get to, I think. We are all experiencing the world through our own filters...some more different than others, some similar, but never the same. I don't want to tolerate or condescend... I want to understand, and to believe that understanding is possible. Again, thank you.
Delete