Saturday, 26 October 2013

My house, their rules

I think I have figured out why I am hating the home-based therapy model required by the government agency that provides funding for the Monkey's therapies. It has been bothering me for a while, and while Monkey has made amazing progress and enjoys most of the sessions, I have been feeling more and more resentful as the weeks wear on. I feel guilty about it, of course. What is my problem? After all, this isn't about me, this is about him.
Well, it isn't, but it is.
The point of requiring therapies for pre-K and Kindergarten special needs students is, according to the funding agency, to help parents to develop coping strategies and methods of accommodating and working with their special needs child in the home. It is about educating the parents to deal with behaviours and challenges. All goals are supposed to be more "family focused" than "child focused".
I get this. The whole educational system is designed for the child. The therapies in the home are supposed to support the family centred model as a way of making sure the child and his siblings are in the best possible environment to learn and interact.
So it is about me. And I hate it.
I hate having to be fully alert and ready to deal with people first thing in the morning. Petty, maybe, but I have never been a morning person, and I resent having to be nice to people I don't care for before I am fully awake. I know his kindergarten is in the afternoon, so they have to do the therapies in the morning, I just wish I didn't have to have them in my house.
I have having to make sure the whole house is clean and tidy and organized every day, to the standards of the therapists and their bosses. I hate that when I miss a last vacuum of the kids' rooms in the evening, or if my little crumb factories have toast for breakfast, and I don't manage to sweep it all up by the time his people get here, I get snide little remarks, or those oh so helpful "just so you know, his carpet has food all over it" or "there is a sticky spot on the floor over here" type of comments.
I hate most of all that I have to welcome a parade of strangers into my home, as if I wanted to have every aspect of my decorating and housekeeping and parenting on display for people I don't particularly like, but have to tolerate. I have to be polite and even kind to them, even though I don't want them here.
It isn't even that I dislike them in particular. Most are nice enough, and mean well. But I don't get a choice. They are rarely people I would choose as friends, and certainly not as people I would invite over every damned day when I am at my least social.
I feel guilty and a bit ungrateful for these thoughts and resentments. I'm happy my little monkey can get the help he needs without it being a major financial burden in these early years. I just wish it didn't have to be at the cost of making my home the therapists' workspace.


  1. You know- I can TOTALLY relate. We don't get in-home therapies here and you know what- I say good! I would feel exactly the same about all the points you raised- not a morning person, hard to keep house perfect (I got four kids, one with autism and a dog) hate having to be "on" when I feel "off" etc, etc. I'm an aspie but I don't think you have to be to feel that way. You know what else- I always read moms saying about all the therapies their kids receive in their homes and I never read anybody say this. And I agree. With. Every. Word. :)
    Found you shared by homestyle mama btw. On Facebook.

    1. Thanks for stopping by. I think the introvert side of me resonates with a lot of the aspie traits. And I have been thinking about this for a while. I am grateful for services, and I get the philosophy, but I really wish I could choose another way. Monkey was getting his services at school for a while (for unpleasant reasons, but still) and I honestly preferred it that way.

  2. Jack's school just started providing in-home ABA. His new therapist and her boss came over my house yesterday to meet me, get a feel for what Jack's needs are, and then meet Jack when he got home from school. The second they sat down, I said: "Alright, there are a few things I need to tell you." And the boss kinda said "Oh, okay." in surprised voice, as if I was going to lay down the law and show her who's boss. I said: "Number 1, I am not pregnant. I'm just fat. Number 2, my house is ALWAYS this messy. And Number 3, my house is actually clean right now." It definitely put them at ease and we ended up having a really nice meet-and-greet. But I hear ya! As if we don't have enough going on with doctor's appointments and tests. Now we need to have MORE strangers in the house. You're not alone!

  3. OMG! I so relate to this too! You are not alone. I don't get the comments at least when things are dirty, but that could be because I've had the same people for years. I relate though to the need of cleaning every crumb, vacuuming all the time and having people in my home I just don't care for. At first I let it slide, but now I'm more picky. I've been doing this forever (it seems) and if I don't get a good vibe, I ask for a new person. It's a little something for me anyway. If feel someone is not on "Team Corbin", they are gone. So I feel you...every bit of your post. I get nervous every time they bring in a new person.

    1. Yup, we do it for our kids, and we have had some good experiences too, but I will never get used to having people in my house all the time. And now my daughter has her diagnosis, so we have to decide on services for her for the next three years.